Is it ok to have an affair

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Is it ok to have an affair

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If one is serious about mending their existing relationship, then disclosure is necessary, along with seeking professional guidance to support the couple through the turbulent period towards recovery.

Most relationship therapists suggest issues around infidelity can be improved through therapy. But they also report infidelity as one of the most difficult issues to work with when it comes to rebuilding a relationship.

There are various evidence-based approaches to dealing with infidelity, but most acknowledge the act can be experienced as a form of trauma by the betrayed person, who has had their fundamental assumptions about their partner violated.

These include trust and the belief that the partner is there to provide love and security rather than inflict hurt. Research has found that, when the affair is revealed, both partners can experience mental health issues including anxiety, depression and thoughts of suicide.

There can also be an increase in emotional and physical violence within the couple. So a couple should seek professional help to deal with the aftermaths of an affair, not only to possibly heal their relationship but also for their own psychological well-being.

One of the most well researched methods of helping a couple mend these issues involves addressing the initial impact of the affair, developing a shared understanding of the context of the affair, forgiveness, and moving on.

Overall, therapy seems to work for about two-thirds of couples who have experienced infidelity. If a couple decides to stay together, they must identify areas of improvement and commit to working on them.

The therapist can help the couple acknowledge the areas of the relationship in which trust has already been rebuilt. Then the betrayed partner can be progressively exposed to situations that provide further reassurance they can trust their partner without having to constantly check on them.

That, and any "other" woman or man is selling him or herself short by settling for "relationships" with known liars and cheats.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day! I don't think everyone here is answering honestly. I appreciate the answers of Tantrum; now be better be honest.

Saying you par take in this is great evidence for the spouse. However, i can honestly say that i did answer honestly when i said affairs were wrong and that i would never do it.

The reason being is, unlike yourself, I never had a steady relationship with any woman. In fact, the longest relationship I've had was about about a month, and girls often ignore me in real life.

Even though I know in my heart, I'm not. Is it just to appease a guilty conscience or something? Or to reconfirm your own beliefs?

Seriously, I would really like to know. I"m sorry if this offends you anyway at all. However, the logic your using just baffles me. Harvey, I'm trying to decide whether to take offense at that.

I've decided that I feel sorry for you - if you have such a poor opinion of humanity that you think no one can have enough integrity not to cheat on their spouse.

I can honestly say I've never knowingly dated a married man, and I never would. I know how it feels having a husband cheat on you and I'd never put another woman through that grief.

Marisa, I beg for your forgivness. I actually meant; if you said you were against affairs, I can understand anyone saying this but if you are for it you wouldn't put in print.

I singled out Tantrum because being single makes the question easier to answer. Wouldn't you agree with that? I can make-up and write a great story about this, in fact I think I will.

You ask whether it's ok to have an affair? The answer is yes. Why not? If you feel you need it, if you understand the possible consequences or choose not to understand them - this is also an option , then why not?

You might hurt someone. It's also ok - sometimes relationships hurt. Especially when they're at the stage where you WANT an affair and you're open to it.

This simply means your relationship is already broken, just you're too blind not to see it. On the other hand, you never know - maybe that someone who you're cheating on has already cheated on you, just you don't know it.

Main disadvantage is that affairs tend to leave some footprint on your own self in case nobody finds out or it may end in a hurricane obviously.

Affairs also tend to have a short life, whatever the ending. Will you stay with someone who has blinded you enough with their attention, passion, etc?

Most of the times you won't. When you realize that.. Well, those who were hurt move on. That's human nature, that's how our brain works - we tend to forget bad things.

Yes, it might be hard at first, but life goes on. The cheater most of the times is not hurt. And that addiction is a slow burn. When the affair situation is resolved, this addiction leaves you with a terrible feeling of emptiness, sometimes hopelessness or despair.

This is the worst part. How bad it is depends on the way situation resolves, but in all cases it's hard to handle. Even if nobody ever learns about your affair - that's why I said it leaves a footprint on your own self.

Conclusion that I've made from long years of cheating - affairs happen, they're natural, but it's better to be hurt than to cheat.

Hope that answers the question. I'm amazed at the Hypocrisy. A lot of people cheats or have been cheated , at least once. All of us have been tempted at least once in our lifetime.

So, pleasseee!!!!!! Here Harvey, I'll be honest; affairs can be enticing. Most people think about them at some point in their lives, if only out of boredom.

The thing is, thinking of consequences and being able to understand what our actions will do to someone else is a gift that we are given once reaching maturity.

No it's never easy. It takes courage, but ultimately it's best for everyone to move on. There is nothing to be gained by remaining in an unhappy relationship while engaging in another one.

You end up trading time spent in stressful and unhappy moments for time that could be spent in happy ones, while at the same time creating unhappy moments for someone else.

It's lose-lose. But the way you talk about it makes me think that it is in fact 'easy' for you. I apologize if I've misread your posts here.

Being easy for me doesn't mean it's easy as a norm. I'm not the 'norm'. And we are all very thankful for that! This was strictly done for fun.

I'm married for 32 years and faithful, my wife is the best. Curious: Stuff like what? No it is not OK to have an affair.

If you have an understanding that you can have partners outside the relationship and both people are OK with that, that is something different, but to sneak off behind the back of someone that has given you their heart and their trust and to break that trust is most certainly NOT OK.

I would even go so far as to say "open" marriages are also not good, because it allows adultery, and the hurt is no different.

In fact, it is the union of people who have so low expectations of themselves and each other, they openly believe themselves incapable of marital fidelity.

Besides, relationships are complicated enough without deliberately bringing other partners into them. I praised her for speaking out on what people usually hide.

I don't think most people are so liberal about their committed relationships, if they are, it shows lack of respect for both themselves and others involved.

I'm speaking of single girls. My ex was a cheater. One of his bimbo's actually came to our house looking for him. SHe had moved and changed jobs and was worried he wouldn't know how to get to her.

When he came home I told him if anymore came to the house that he would find them in unmarked graves in the back yard.

After 10 years and all the pain, I filed for divorce. Apparently Sandra Bullock doesn't like a cheater either.

I suppose if you wouldn't mind your partner going off and having sex with someone while they tell you they are working late-hanging out with a friend or running late because the car is having trouble If you would be bothered-heart broken-feel betrayed and lost if you were the one being cheated on Then no-an affair is NOT okay.

Leave them before you cheat on them. It is easier to be dumped even if it hurts than to find out you weren't good enough to keep their attention-so they went somewhere else to be satisfied.

Not only that, but with all the STD's out there- you are playing with someones health without them having an idea you are doing so. Despite our desire for each other and the fact that his wife and my husband may be asexual, my friend and I have not slept with each other.

My husband has given me permission to have a lover, but my friend's wife would be appalled if he asked for the same set-up.

Shouldn't someone with no interest in sex and minimal romantic attachment to their spouse they are like roommates allow that spouse to fulfil her or his needs for stimulation and affection discreetly elsewhere without calling it "cheating"?

My friend and I are moral people, but life is short. When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here.

Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments which appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.

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